12 Things She Wishes You Understood

Dear Girls, 

Let me get straight to the point, some guys are just plain ol' dummies. We keep on hoping that they would understand certain things but they don't. And if they do, it's too late because we're not waiting around for them to finally use their brain. 
I found this poem by Derrick Jaxn that I wanted to share with you guys and it is everything we hope our partner would understand.

12 Things She Wishes You Understood - Derrick Jaxn

"She’s a lover but she’ll fight for you. 

Even when she feels like she can’t no more, she’ll still try for you

She’s not jealous, but she didn’t fall in love with plans of letting go

So when other girls cross the line, she expects YOU to let em know

She’s not stupid, she was allowing you to earn her trust

With hopes you’d appreciate it too much to do things to mess it up

She’s not needy, but she deserves to be a priority of your attention

Especially when she ignores it from other guys who can’t wait to catch you slippin’

She’s not insecure, but she wants to know that you find her attractive

The way you look at and touch her should all scream how glad you are to have her

She’s not rushing things, she just doesn’t have time to be playing games

She’s trying to build an empire with somebody who’s trying to do the same

She’s not judging you, she just realizes your potential

And won’t waste time if you’re not trying because she only dates men with ambition

She doesn’t have trust issues, but won’t put up with all the lies

If honesty is too much to ask then you shouldn’t have even bothered to say hi

She loves the thought of being yours only, but not when you’re for everybody else

Not when new numbers are popping up in your phone, not when you’re deleting texts

She’s not too sensitive, she has feelings she shows to you ‘cause you’re her man

And it doesn’t mean she’s not making sense just because you don’t understand

She knows she complicated, so if you’re not ready, just say it

So she can save you both some trouble of you coming around when she’s done waiting."

Love Always, 

Seema Sammy.

I Love You but...

Dear Girls, 

"Not anymore, although at one point I was very upset with you.
But you see, now I understand that letting go of you freed me up to embrace what was coming for me, and no offense but what came after you was better for me.

That's the way it should have been for both of us though because you went off doing yourself never looking back on me, so for you to be here begging on my door step after I've consciously moved on is unfair.

What this shows me is not only did you not deserve me or my love back then, but even if by some miracle of a chance I was to take you back now, you'd still lack the capacity to respect me and you still don't deserve me."

Seema Sammy.

She's me

Dear Girls, 

She looked in the mirror and wiped her tears before they could fall any further than her bottom lash, it was then she decided enough was enough, that he would no longer have this much power over her emotions. Tokens of a love forgotten was all she had left of a man she thought was everything, and with these tokens she paid her way to self love and sanity. Some say she lost herself while being in love with him, I say it’s true, but she found herself while falling out.

I believe God gives us battles in the form of relationships and friendships, and it’s up to us to armor ourselves in faith. Getting up is only half the battle, and even that is a chore at times, but it’s worth the effort when you see improvements in your character. 

She was always so preoccupied with everyone else’s well being that she forgot how to treat herself, and she let those closest neglect her, always kept it bottled up and never letting them know how much it hurts her. She’s every woman that has ever loved wholeheartedly, she’s me.

Love always, 

Seema Sammy. 

Is Your Relationship Nourishing Or Draining?

Dear Girls, 

I've been wanting to address this issue we so often experience in relationships; Manipulation, it is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through abusive, deceptive or underhanded tactics.

Source: http://www.shadowtext.net

So many people do it, so many people are the victims of it and so many people see it every day. When is this going to end? Men do it to women, women do it to men. I see it with boyfriends and girlfriends. Manipulating each other is not a relationship. When he manipulates you, he drags you down and when you get mad at him he twist things and makes it seem like you’re the one that is wrong. He belittles you, calls you stupid but of course if you bring it up you're being “crazy”. He talks to you like he owns you and gets mad at you when you don't comply to his commands. In that voice that makes me cringe. He’s starving for attention, he needs to be better than you so he doesn’t let you grow into who you are supposed to be. 

Women and men get wrapped up in these relationships they can’t break away from. I can’t watch it any longer it’s disgusting. When will you wake up, when will you open your eyes? This is my plead to you guys, break free of this trend. End it as soon you start noticing  these signs popping up in your relationship because it will not get better. 

Stay strong my loves, 
Seema Sammy. 

How NOT to lose yourself while in a relationship

Dear Girls,

Lets talk about losing yourself while in a relationship. I’m not an expert, let me point that out but experience is our ultimate teacher. Now, if you’re anything like me, the minute you commit yourself to a partner, everything starts to revolve around him. You want to make sure you meet his needs, but you’re also unconsciously always thinking of ways to make him happy. You're genuinely striving to be the perfect partner. Totally understandable. But while you’re submerging yourself in the life of this other person, you may not be making your own life the priority it should be.
How do you find the balance between giving to your partner and holding onto yourself in the process?

                                                                                   Source: http://www.picturequotes.com

Here’s a list of 8 ways to love without losing yourself.

DON’T:

1) Become too dependent.  
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re off the hook when it comes to taking care of yourself and your own feelings. It’s nice to have someone who wants to comfort you, and it’s perfectly all right to let him, but make sure you don’t need it.

2) Talk about your relationship nonstop.  
You do not want to be the person who brings every conversation with friends back to the time your partner said this or did that. Your time with friends is an opportunity to discuss other things.

3) Talk to each other all the time.  
If you’re in constant contact with your partner throughout the day, what are you going to talk about when you actually see each other?  Also, you can’t live your own life if you’re always talking to someone else.

4) Let the status of your relationship affect your whole outlook. 
It’s never fun or easy when you and your partner fight, but do your best to compartmentalize. The less you let what’s going on in your relationship affect your work, friendships and interaction with family, the better. If the state of your relationship entirely determines your mood, then you are probably too consumed by it.

5) Neglect other important relationships. 
If you have plans with family or your best friends, don’t flake last minute to stay in with your significant other. A good relationship will definitely withstand you taking the time to honor commitments to people outside it.

6) Depend on the other person to complete you.  
Your partner should make you happy, not make you whole.

7) Shrink yourself. 
Don’t resist success, a promotion or making more money than your partner to boost his ego or spare his feelings. Someone who truly loves you and who is worth loving is secure enough to cheer you on.

8) Go immediately from one relationship to another. 
We all know that person who never seems to take any time for herself between breakups to grieve, mend and remember who she is. Don’t use relationships as an excuse to never focus on yourself, your flaws or your personal growth. The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from loving yourself.

Love yourself first, so YOU know what you deserve. 

P.s, I wish I took my advice when I was in a relationship. But you live and you learn. 

Love Always, 
Seema Sammy.

Source: Huffington Post (Relationship Advice)

When your Prince Charming Turns out to be a Dickhead

Dear Girls, 

So let’s be real. It is pretty hard to focus on recovering when you are questioning yourself about what went wrong. You thought you were soul mates. Those darn questions and thoughts. For some of us, it feels like we have to start over, and for others it may be easier to move on. There isn’t one set way to heal or recover from a broken heart.

There are many ways to heal and recover after heartbreak, but the most important thing is for you to know that it is possible. Life is filled with solutions and wonderful ways in which to overcome hardship. If you are willing, you will find what you are looking for. And if a mended, happy, recovered heart is what you seek, then you will find exactly that.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” 

~Pema Chödrön

How to gently heal a broken heart

1. Make a choice: either run from the pain or deal with it. Hopefully you want to deal with it and not distract yourself by other means (i.e. overworking, substance abuse, jumping into another relationship). Rise up to the challenge and deal with it head-on. This will allow you to be free of the pain in the time it takes rather than lingering on it forever.

2. There is no room for guilt in your life going forward. If you made a mistake then, by all means feel the guilt for the moment. You may want to extend your apologies depending on the situation. But ongoing guilt is a killer. Get rid of it.

3. Don’t be hard on yourself in the process of healing. Feel your emotions and acknowledge them. It is awkward and uncomfortable but going through the motions allows you to feel like a human being. It is normal. Don’t be embarrassed for feeling the way you do.

4. Talk, write, sing, dance, draw and create–if you have a passion that you lose yourself in then use it to help you heal. Writing and music is my healthy escape and I can express myself through a journal without judgment from anyone. It gets my thoughts and feelings out. I end up creating some great pieces too!

5. Our mindsets can either help us to go forward or keep us in a state of fear, sadness and regret! It’s very easy to remain hurt and angry, but that won’t help us personally. Take each day as it comes and choose the attitude that will uplift you. Give out positive vibes and the universe will reciprocate. 


Hope You Guys Have an Awesome Weekend.

Love Always, 
Seema Sammy. 

We Deserve Love No Matter What

Dear Girls, 

Do you have parts of yourself that you’d like to change? Maybe even parts of your personality you’re a little embarrassed by? I do. And if I started to list them I probably wouldn’t know where to stop.
I can be a complainer and whiner. Even worse, I sometimes turn into a martyr and feel sorry for myself. Other times I’m overly emotional and have been known to have a really fluctuating temper.
But the thing is, we are not our behavior. Often we know when we’re not acting our best and if you’re like me, you’re exceptionally hard on yourself.

 

                               Source: http://www.yoganonymous.com

We Deserve Love Even When We Do Things We Regret 

In the past when these less than noble parts of myself raised their whiny heads, I cringed and felt ashamed. It's proof that I had not traveled far at all on the road of self-discovery.
For instance, I often write about mindful living.
I’m an advocate of eating healthy, organic food yet only a few days ago I devoured an entire box of cookies in one sitting.  
Who the fuck am I to be writing about mindfulness and tips in healthy living?
Oh, yeah, and I swear too much.
If I indulged myself, I would start to think why even bother trying to be my best? Nothing is going to work out anyway. I’ll be the same sorry loser I always was. But that kind of thinking gets us nowhere. And when we’re feeling bad, our lesser selves often rise to the surface.
When we sink into these places of despair it can be so hard to come back out. But we have to. We need to recognize when despair first begins to wrap its slimy arms around our necks and threatens to pull us into that dark hole of depression. We need to develop tools and learn to call on them in times of crisis. We can change how we act. It’s not easy. It takes a lot of work but it can be done. And something happens when we change our behavior. We begin to change inside as well.


Who are your ignoble selves? We all have them.
-Do you judge others?
-Do you feel like you could tell everyone a thing or two about religion, politics or life?
-Do you make fun of people for doing or saying things you find unintelligent?

Our judgment usually comes from a sense of inadequacy in our own lives. We all do this from time to time, so you don’t need to judge yourself for doing it. But you can leverage this awareness to change your thoughts and behavior. The key is to work toward change from a place of self-compassion instead of motivating yourself with shame. How do we do that?

Practice acceptance.
If I could choose one word that has helped me to live with my less than noble selves it would be acceptance. It’s a simple concept, yet hard to practice. But acceptance has been far more helpful to me than either love or forgiveness.
The truth is, there are people in my life I have a hard time forgiving or loving, but I’ve been able to create positive change in my life by accepting what they’ve done.
Acceptance has led me along the path of love and forgiveness, but I couldn’t get there without first accepting the reality of life as it is: imperfect and painful as well as fulfilling and full of joy. Both realities are accurate.
Acceptance ultimately comes back to accepting ourselves as we are with all our beautiful imperfections. Once we truly accept who we are for what we are, we open the way to change.

Forgive yourself.
We often forgive others much more easily than we forgive ourselves, but after acceptance, forgiving yourself may be the next most important step.
Forgive yourself your imperfections. Forgive yourself your less than noble behavior. Forgive yourself for not being the person you think your lover or friends or family want you to be. Forgive yourself if you’re still not living the life you think you should live.
Life is not easy on any of us. We’ve all had traumas and losses. We all have personality traits that are less than stellar. But if we begin with acceptance and move onto forgiveness, we will inevitably come to the ultimate goal: love.
And when we truly love ourselves, we’ll find our ignoble selves become less and less dominant. They’ll still show up from time to time. That’s just the nature of things, but with love we can kindly refuse to indulge them.
Love brings laughter back into our lives and helps us turn our less than noble selves into one perfectly flawed being alive with joy and love.

 “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” 

~Brené Brown

 Love Always,
Seema Sammy.