Learning to Accept Love

Dear Girls, 

Before I start writing my blog, I'll like to apologize to the people that read my blog for not being consistent . Please bare with me as I figure out a schedule that works best.

Sometimes our emotions can get the best of us, they can drag us so far down to where we forget just what it is that once made us happy. Small steps they say, small steps to a happier road, well what if the road on which we walk is far too bumpy? No one can tell you that the feelings you have are wrong. For years I’ve struggled with people that don’t understand my pain, my hurt, my frustration, but I don’t blame them. Not everyone will feel as deeply about the things that you do, I try my very best to tell myself this, but to no avail I seem to foolishly fall back into my habits. These habits are habitually pushing people away, being angry, and sometimes overcome with an overwhelming sense of melancholy.

Is it normal to be chronically sad? To always feel like you’re going to burst at the seems and just fucking explode because you’ve constantly held back emotions that were far too strong just to shove away. Welcome to my mind, where I’m convinced that I feel nothing at all, where I can pretend that all I care about is myself, but then my heart has to remind me that I’m too sympathetic and emotional to be this bad ass that I sometimes portray myself to be. I feel too much, that’s my problem. 

There’s a place in my mind where sad memories dwell, they stay locked away, but ever so often they come out to play and plague my never resting thoughts. What is it like to be calm and collected ? To never feel rejected, to smile and actually mean it ? To be loved and actually feel it ? I’m learning to accept love, it’s not an easy task when you feel so undeserving of affection……

Love Always, 

Seema Sammy.