Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
Dear Girls,I've been wanting to address this issue we so often experience in relationships; Manipulation, it is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through abusive, deceptive or underhanded tactics.
So many people do it, so many people are the victims of it and so many people see it every day. When is this going to end? Men do it to women, women do it to men. I see it with boyfriends and girlfriends. Manipulating each other is not a relationship. When he manipulates you, he drags you down and when you get mad at him he twist things and makes it seem like you’re the one that is wrong. He belittles you, calls you stupid but of course if you bring it up you're being “crazy”. He talks to you like he owns you and gets mad at you when you don't comply to his commands. In that voice that makes me cringe. He’s starving for attention, he needs to be better than you so he doesn’t let you grow into who you are supposed to be.
Women and men get wrapped up in these relationships they can’t break away from. I can’t watch it any longer it’s disgusting. When will you wake up, when will you open your eyes? This is my plead to you guys, break free of this trend. End it as soon you start noticing these signs popping up in your relationship because it will not get better.
Stay strong my loves,
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Dear Girls,Lets talk about losing yourself while in a relationship. I’m not an expert, let me point that out but experience is our ultimate teacher. Now, if you’re anything like me, the minute you commit yourself to a partner, everything starts to revolve around him. You want to make sure you meet his needs, but you’re also unconsciously always thinking of ways to make him happy. You're genuinely striving to be the perfect partner. Totally understandable. But while you’re submerging yourself in the life of this other person, you may not be making your own life the priority it should be.
How do you find the balance between giving to your partner and holding onto yourself in the process?
Here’s a list of 8 ways to love without losing yourself.
DON’T:1) Become too dependent.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re off the hook when it comes to taking care of yourself and your own feelings. It’s nice to have someone who wants to comfort you, and it’s perfectly all right to let him, but make sure you don’t need it.
2) Talk about your relationship nonstop.
You do not want to be the person who brings every conversation with friends back to the time your partner said this or did that. Your time with friends is an opportunity to discuss other things.
3) Talk to each other all the time.
If you’re in constant contact with your partner throughout the day, what are you going to talk about when you actually see each other? Also, you can’t live your own life if you’re always talking to someone else.
4) Let the status of your relationship affect your whole outlook.
It’s never fun or easy when you and your partner fight, but do your best to compartmentalize. The less you let what’s going on in your relationship affect your work, friendships and interaction with family, the better. If the state of your relationship entirely determines your mood, then you are probably too consumed by it.
5) Neglect other important relationships.
If you have plans with family or your best friends, don’t flake last minute to stay in with your significant other. A good relationship will definitely withstand you taking the time to honor commitments to people outside it.
6) Depend on the other person to complete you.
Your partner should make you happy, not make you whole.
7) Shrink yourself.
Don’t resist success, a promotion or making more money than your partner to boost his ego or spare his feelings. Someone who truly loves you and who is worth loving is secure enough to cheer you on.
8) Go immediately from one relationship to another.
We all know that person who never seems to take any time for herself between breakups to grieve, mend and remember who she is. Don’t use relationships as an excuse to never focus on yourself, your flaws or your personal growth. The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from loving yourself.
Love yourself first, so YOU know what you deserve.
P.s, I wish I took my advice when I was in a relationship. But you live and you learn.
Source: Huffington Post (Relationship Advice)
Friday, March 18, 2016
Dear Girls,So let’s be real. It is pretty hard to focus on recovering when you are questioning yourself about what went wrong. You thought you were soul mates. Those darn questions and thoughts. For some of us, it feels like we have to start over, and for others it may be easier to move on. There isn’t one set way to heal or recover from a broken heart.
There are many ways to heal and recover after heartbreak, but the most important thing is for you to know that it is possible. Life is filled with solutions and wonderful ways in which to overcome hardship. If you are willing, you will find what you are looking for. And if a mended, happy, recovered heart is what you seek, then you will find exactly that.
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
How to gently heal a broken heart
1. Make a choice: either run from the pain or deal with it. Hopefully you want to deal with it and not distract yourself by other means (i.e. overworking, substance abuse, jumping into another relationship). Rise up to the challenge and deal with it head-on. This will allow you to be free of the pain in the time it takes rather than lingering on it forever.
2. There is no room for guilt in your life going forward. If you made a mistake then, by all means feel the guilt for the moment. You may want to extend your apologies depending on the situation. But ongoing guilt is a killer. Get rid of it.
3. Don’t be hard on yourself in the process of healing. Feel your emotions and acknowledge them. It is awkward and uncomfortable but going through the motions allows you to feel like a human being. It is normal. Don’t be embarrassed for feeling the way you do.
4. Talk, write, sing, dance, draw and create–if you have a passion that you lose yourself in then use it to help you heal. Writing and music is my healthy escape and I can express myself through a journal without judgment from anyone. It gets my thoughts and feelings out. I end up creating some great pieces too!
5. Our mindsets can either help us to go forward or keep us in a state of fear, sadness and regret! It’s very easy to remain hurt and angry, but that won’t help us personally. Take each day as it comes and choose the attitude that will uplift you. Give out positive vibes and the universe will reciprocate.
Hope You Guys Have an Awesome Weekend.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Dear Girls,Do you have parts of yourself that you’d like to change? Maybe even parts of your personality you’re a little embarrassed by? I do. And if I started to list them I probably wouldn’t know where to stop.
I can be a complainer and whiner. Even worse, I sometimes turn into a martyr and feel sorry for myself. Other times I’m overly emotional and have been known to have a really fluctuating temper.
But the thing is, we are not our behavior. Often we know when we’re not acting our best and if you’re like me, you’re exceptionally hard on yourself.
We Deserve Love Even When We Do Things We Regret
In the past when these less than noble parts of myself raised their whiny heads, I cringed and felt ashamed. It's proof that I had not traveled far at all on the road of self-discovery.
For instance, I often write about mindful living.
I’m an advocate of eating healthy, organic food yet only a few days ago I devoured an entire box of cookies in one sitting.
Who the fuck am I to be writing about mindfulness and tips in healthy living?
Oh, yeah, and I swear too much.
If I indulged myself, I would start to think why even bother trying to be my best? Nothing is going to work out anyway. I’ll be the same sorry loser I always was. But that kind of thinking gets us nowhere. And when we’re feeling bad, our lesser selves often rise to the surface.
When we sink into these places of despair it can be so hard to come back out. But we have to. We need to recognize when despair first begins to wrap its slimy arms around our necks and threatens to pull us into that dark hole of depression. We need to develop tools and learn to call on them in times of crisis. We can change how we act. It’s not easy. It takes a lot of work but it can be done. And something happens when we change our behavior. We begin to change inside as well.
Who are your ignoble selves? We all have them.
-Do you judge others?
-Do you feel like you could tell everyone a thing or two about religion, politics or life?
-Do you make fun of people for doing or saying things you find unintelligent?
Our judgment usually comes from a sense of inadequacy in our own lives. We all do this from time to time, so you don’t need to judge yourself for doing it. But you can leverage this awareness to change your thoughts and behavior. The key is to work toward change from a place of self-compassion instead of motivating yourself with shame. How do we do that?
If I could choose one word that has helped me to live with my less than noble selves it would be acceptance. It’s a simple concept, yet hard to practice. But acceptance has been far more helpful to me than either love or forgiveness.
The truth is, there are people in my life I have a hard time forgiving or loving, but I’ve been able to create positive change in my life by accepting what they’ve done.
Acceptance has led me along the path of love and forgiveness, but I couldn’t get there without first accepting the reality of life as it is: imperfect and painful as well as fulfilling and full of joy. Both realities are accurate.
Acceptance ultimately comes back to accepting ourselves as we are with all our beautiful imperfections. Once we truly accept who we are for what we are, we open the way to change.
We often forgive others much more easily than we forgive ourselves, but after acceptance, forgiving yourself may be the next most important step.
Forgive yourself your imperfections. Forgive yourself your less than noble behavior. Forgive yourself for not being the person you think your lover or friends or family want you to be. Forgive yourself if you’re still not living the life you think you should live.
Life is not easy on any of us. We’ve all had traumas and losses. We all have personality traits that are less than stellar. But if we begin with acceptance and move onto forgiveness, we will inevitably come to the ultimate goal: love.
And when we truly love ourselves, we’ll find our ignoble selves become less and less dominant. They’ll still show up from time to time. That’s just the nature of things, but with love we can kindly refuse to indulge them.
Love brings laughter back into our lives and helps us turn our less than noble selves into one perfectly flawed being alive with joy and love.
“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Why does it have to hurt so badly? You know, when you’re so in love but your relationship becomes toxic. Night after night, you lie awake replaying the fights in your head. You can’t understand why your partner won’t change or how they can simply ignore how you feel, sometimes you wonder if they ever truly loved you. You know it's time to end it when you’ve tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing’s worked, yet the thought of being alone petrifies you. But still, the pain has become too unbearable and If you don’t end things now, you might completely lose yourself.
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love
1. Learning to Let Go
Letting go of someone you care about is definitely a difficult thing to do. I was forced to accept that my relationship with my ex wasn’t meant to be.The lies and the cheating became too much to handle. I wanted him to stop hurting me. I wanted him to understand that his behavior tore me apart inside. I wanted him to change. It didn’t matter how much I loved him. It didn’t matter if I was the best woman or friend in the universe; nothing would have worked. Was he really worth all of this? No, he wasn’t. He would say I don't have evidence of his infidelity or that I'm crazy so when I found substantial evidence, I knew I needed to get him out of my life. If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, know that you can find the strength to get yourself out of it and move on.
2. Realize That You Deserve Better
Sometimes, loving someone just isn’t enough if you aren’t receiving the same love in return. It’s like putting work into an old, broken-down car. No matter how much sweat and tears you put into it, it will never be the same again. The time you waste on the wrong person prevents the right person from coming your way. How can they come into your life if you already have that space filled? You have to let go. You can experience true love if you just believe that something much better is out there for you. You may not know who they are, or when they will come, but they are waiting on you to let go so that they can come into your life.
3. Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Change
This is the biggest mistake a person can make when deciding to stay in a relationship in which you’re being mistreated. You have to accept that the only person you control in this world is yourself. Unless the other person owns up to their mistakes, and shows the desire to get help, they probably won’t change. They may promise to change and turn things around for the better. They may even be genuine about their intentions at that moment. But more than likely, things will stay the same, especially if they made promises in the past that they didn’t fulfill. Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Sometimes our judgment is clouded and we simply want to see the best in someone. Sometimes we’re just so afraid of being alone. Regardless of what we tell ourselves, some relationships are just irreparable.
4. Accept That It Will Hurt
There is no easy way of getting around it. It’s going to hurt. And it’s going to hurt a lot! You’re worried about missing the feeling of being desired and wanted, the intimate and close moments you shared. Instead of being just a part of your life, they have become your entire life. You have forgotten how to live for yourself. Getting over the initial discomfort of being alone is the hardest part. But once you get past that stage, life becomes a whole lot easier. The lessons you learn along the way will allow you to grow and become a better person. The pain will not last forever. Time is your best friend. If you work through the pain, you limit the chances of your feelings coming back to haunt you later on.
5. Release The Pain
The best thing you can do for yourself is to release the pain. Different people cope in different ways. Some may hold it in because they are expected to be strong when they're dealing with tough situations. And I’ve found that to be somewhat effective. And sometimes after being strong for too long, it's okay to take a crying day/days. However, I've known people who have tried to hold in the pain and that seem to make it worst, the more they tried to hold in the pain and be strong, the worse they felt and would eventually get stressed out. So what did they do? They cried. They cried over and over again until they can begin to think clearer and notice that things aren't truly as bad as they thought. And soon enough you would start smiling again or noticing the sun shining and the beautiful clouds in the sky. You would no longer be in that dark place. So release the pain however you please.
6. Take Some Time Off
Sometimes, it seems like the end of the world, even though it’s not. Your mind attempts to play tricks on you, making you believe that happiness isn’t possible any longer. But that's not true. Often, the best cure for pain is time. By resting your heart, mind and soul, you give yourself a chance to heal. This is also the best time to get to know you. Maybe there’s a hobby that you love or an activity you enjoy doing. For me, it was writing. Even though it didn’t completely take my mind off of things, it allowed me to spend time alone doing something I really enjoyed. And I appreciated that. Eventually, I began focusing more on myself, and less on my situation. It didn’t work immediately, but over time, it helped a lot. If you allow it, each day will become a little easier. Time heals. And even though my relationship didn’t work out as planned, I realized I could still enjoy my life.
7. Happiness is Within Your Control
Your life isn’t over. Taking back control begins with you. You don’t have to go through this alone, seek help from your loved ones. Just imagine finally being happy again and enjoying the things that you used to love. No more worrying about the future. You are finally content with the present. The load has been lifted off of your chest. The tears no longer fall. You finally realize you deserve better. It may seem unimaginable right now, but it’s definitely possible. If you make the choice today, you are one step closer to a happier tomorrow. You can do it. I believe in you. Now it’s time for you to believe in yourself. Make a declaration that today starts the healing process. From now on, you will work toward living the amazing life you deserve.
Stay Strong my loves,
Monday, March 14, 2016
Dear Girls,Today is just one of those days. I've had you on my mind all day, for the past two weeks I've had extra trouble sleeping at night and when I would finally fall asleep, all I have is nightmares. Over and over that morning replays in my head, I'm force to lose you all over again, every time and I swear it hurts even more now than it did on that day.
When it happened I was in shock and too numb to really feel the pain of my heart being torn out of my chest. I wasn't ready to lose you, I wasn't ready to live without you and sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. When the heart decides it is not done feeling, there is no persuading it. The heart is an uncontrollable force; the perfect storm, if you will. It does not forget easily and it wants with the might of a tsunami and it takes and takes and takes until suddenly you look down and you’ve been stripped bare. Every so often the pain becomes a little too much, almost unbearable and I know that makes me weak but I promise myself I was going to be strong.
I love how you simplified my life and made love seem so attainable. Now everyday is an obstacle for me, everyday is a struggle to breathe without hearing your voice or being able to say your name and say I love you. Sometimes I wish I lost my memory if that meant the pain would disappear. . .
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Lets talk once more about self confidence, I get it: self-confidence is challenging to master. It's entirely too simple to fall into a discouraging rhythm of beating yourself up, because let's be real — culture isn't always kind. However, it is possible to surmount the odds and discover a place in which loving yourself comes naturally. Try your best to tackle these 22 tasks, which promote growth, happiness, success, and wholesome self-love. We're in this together. I believe in you
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Spring is upon us and I thought why not make a 'spring to-do list' of activities because I live for to do lists. Spring is the perfect season for a fresh start and whether you're newly single or you've been unattached for a while, now's the time to take advantage of your relationship status with these fun activities. Grab your calendar and take a look at these creative ideas for a fun, happily single Spring!
Spring is a time to find out where you are,
who you are, and move toward where you are going.
Here are 13 activities you absolutely must do this spring.1. Host Sunday Brunch With the Girls
2. Take a Just-Because Road Trip
3. Plant a Garden
4. Spend a Day at the Museum
5. Hit Up Happy Hour With Co-Workers
6. Hike Your City
7. Bake With Your BFFs
8. Spend a Day at the Bookstore
9. Treat Yourself to Fresh Flowers
10. Read a Romance Novel
11. Sign Up For a Dance Class
12. Indulge in a Solo Spa Day
13. Plan a Relaxing Vacation
It's never a bad idea to push yourself out of your comfort zone and see what happens!
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Feminism is not here to dictate you. It’s not prescriptive, it’s not dogmatic. All we are here to do is to give you a choice. Gender equality is your issue too. Both men and woman should feel free to be strong.
We talk about successful women, famous women, hardworking women, women who built their own careers, women who stood up for themselves. But let us not forget about those women who history never mentioned, those who couldn’t make it far enough to build a career because they preferred their kids too. Women who, sadly, were never able to stand up for themselves because society would push them down every time they try to.
Let us not forget about the women who left so many things to raise a man, and hopefully a very strong woman. Women who suffered in silence, women who the world took all their energy and left them with nothing. Women who were forced to give up life to satisfy a man, and to give birth to another.
Women who slept next to us every night we got sick in, women who cried to the thought of us hurt, women who worried when you were five minutes late. Women who gave us our world by giving up theirs.
In honor of international women's day, I decided to shine light on some of the issues we currently face as women. It's very sad that we live in 2016 and yet these issues are prevalent.
-Women are being beaten by their husbands, mistreated by their fathers, and granted no basic rights by the law.
-I still live in a world where child marriages exist, and rapes and sexual harassment are abundant.
-I still live in a world where it is okay to kill a woman for the sake of honor killing.
-I still live in a world where girls don't have education granted as widely as it is for boys.
-I still live in a world where a man's opinion matters more than that of a woman solely because he happens to be a man.
To our mothers, to uneducated women, to women who once suffered, to women who got burned with acid because they refused to marry the man that asked them to, women who got raped because this world we live in is a fucking tragedy, women who their family forced them to keep their mouth shut because it would “cause a scandal”, women who have nothing, women who in the eyes of everyone are weak, when in fact; they’re the strongest.
This day is for you, and it will get better. This day is about reminding everyone that all these things are not okay. This day is about striving for equality of the sexes.
Happy international women's day.
Stay Strong and keep fighting my loves.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Dear Girls,I have a confession to make.
So recently I was asked the dreaded question of this generation "So what do you do for fun?" I had no idea how to answer because every spare moment of my day is spent on social media. I'm still wondering if I should've said "I do social media for fun." Anyways, that's when it dawned on me that I'm a social media addict and a third degree stalker.
I am a social media addict and I don’t care. I love social media and I don’t care if you judge me, I know that’s sad. I love it for real (selfish) reasons like stalking people’s Instagram feeds only so my mouth could hang open at how beautiful their hair/house/body/makeup/cat is.
Signs you’re totally and completely addicted to social media.
1. When you check it first thing in the morning because you’ve probably miss so much while you were sleeping. It is just a habit we enjoy while we are waking up.
2. You go out with friends for food and purposefully choose something that looks pretty/healty-ish for an Instagram photo; because obviously you want people to think you’re a flawless, healthy-eating goddess who would definitely choose some avocado on toast over a huge, greasy burger.
3. Your camera roll is constantly full of selfies you’ve never used but can’t delete them – who knows when you might need one?
4. Your “evening routine” is 1. Check Twitter 2. Check Instagram 3. Check Facebook 4. Check Instagram again just in case someone has posted a really great photo. 5. Repeat.
5. When you’ve been away from your phone (by some miracle) for X minutes/hours and you have no notifications. That means the internet has been destroyed and nobody can get in contact with you. It’s not that people actually have lives outside of social media or anything. Nope.
6. You contort yourself into really weird and usually uncomfortable positions to make sure you look as smoking hot as possible in your selfie.
7. You’ve been stalking someone’s Instagram for so long that you’re a good 3 years down their feed and just praying you don’t accidentally like a photo and look like a total creep. Haven’t we all been there?
8. Having no data left and no access to wifi is the worst thing that’s ever happened to anyone. And even worst than that is slow wifi.
9. The highlight of your day is when get an equally eloquent, witty and hilarious Tweet out and it’s bang on 140 characters and you didn’t even need to sacrifice your grammar.
10. Your camera roll is also full of memes and quotes that that you haven’t posted, yet you continue to screenshot more because someday you’ll need it.
So, this is me, holding my hands up and saying I’m totally addicted to social media. It is my form of recreational activity because what is life without Twitter and Instagram.