What is a toxic relationship

 Dear Girls,

      Don’t be upset if people prefer another to you, it’s difficult to convince a monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas. 

-Anonymous

We have all encountered toxic people in our life, but for those of us unlucky enough to experience a toxic relationship, you will understand how painful it is to let the person go – particularly because you will generally love them and care for them that little bit extra because they have needed you and dragged you down at the same time.

Sometimes we need to love someone from a distance and unfortunately this means the process of detoxing yourself from them. If your partner is putting you down, crushing your spirit or you have found out that they are cheating on you, this blog is for you.

Today we look at how you can release yourself from a toxic relationship and get on with a happier life – even if it means being alone.

What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel consistently bad about yourself. You may find yourself fending off subtle jabs or downright insults, dealing with unreliability or perhaps even deceit. A toxic relationship leaves you feeling anxious, unrewarded and unaccepted.

Still unsure? Check out this blog by Love Panky about the different types of toxic people and toxic-style relationships. In some cases, some of these can overlap, some people may check every box. The types of people who are toxic are:
– Controlling
– Jealous
– Bitchy
– Negative-thinking
– They put you down
– They cheat on you
– They lie to you (don’t put up with lies!)
– They’re abusive
– They blame you
– They are extremely insecure
– They’re demanding
– They’re over-the-top perfectionists
– They’re narcissistic
– They’re competitive
– They’re manipulative.

Here’s a checklist of symptoms of a toxic relationship:
– It feels as though no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can’t do anything right
– Are they constantly putting you down?
– Everything is about them and never about you, when you make it about you – they quickly manipulate it back to be about them again
– You find yourself unable to enjoy the good times
– Is there a constant drama and it always feels so far out of your control?
– They start controlling you until you feel completely lost and confused.
If you answered ‘yes’ to two or more of these – these are your red flags … GET OUT NOW! GO!

Make the right choice and do so only when you're completely ready (you'll know when the time is right); because you wouldn't feel any remorse for kicking them to the curb and you'll do it smiling, sometimes you might not even cry. This is a sign that you know your worth and you're finally taking back the reins of your life. You don't need toxic people in your life. 


Love Always,
Seema Sammy.

Stop Being Bullies

Dear Girls, 

It deeply concerns me that people think that fat people hating themselves and calling themselves stupid and ugly is better than embracing who they are and being happy.

Someone’s dress size has no bearing on whether or not they deserve happiness. Being a shitty person who bullies others into thinking they’re worthless because of their bodies has a bearing on whether or not you deserve happiness.
With that being said, try being a good human being! You'll like it. Thanks.

Have a great day my loves!

Love Always,
Seema Sammy. 

You Are Beautiful

 Dear Girls, 

To be honest, the thing that infuriates me the most on a daily basis is when I see women making nasty comments about other women’s bodies on social media.
It’s bad enough when it comes from men but I can’t handle it when it comes from women. Every woman knows what it’s like to feel uncomfortable in their own skin or feel out of place or to not think very highly of themselves. So why on earth would you want to drag your sister, who’s in the same position you know all too well, down even further? It’s disgusting. Never feel the need to make disrespectful remarks about your sisters.  They are beautiful. You are beautiful.

 Have a blessed day my loves.

Love Always,
Seema Sammy. 

You Are Worthy!

Dear Girls,

You are worthy and amazing right now. You just need to remember who you are, and let go of all the false beliefs you've taken on. Mary Oliver says it better that I ever could...


"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air
are heading home agaian.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination.
calls you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place in the family of things."
-Mary Oliver.


Have a wonderful day my loves.

Love Always,
Seema Sammy.

Peace Over Understanding

Dear Girls,

Sometimes we have to choose peace over understanding.

This morning I found myself realizing that sometimes people are just plain nuts. Trying to figure them out, understand or even communicate with them is sometimes...futile.
Rather that engaging and trading energy, there are times when shaking my head, keeping my mouth shut and not engaging is truly the most loving, compassionate thing I can do for everyone.

Sigh.

Peace is the better choice for ourselves and the world. We do not have to try and make sense of everything. There will be days when the smartest decision for all is to shake your head and walk away.

Have a wonderful day my loves.

Love Always,
Seema Sammy.

 

Dear Girls,

I know from experience that not a lot of us experienced love and encouragement people from the people around us. Most of the time they lash out at us for the way we look. This comes from people who we love and would do anything for. What baffles me is I don't know if they're intentionally hurting me or not. I like to think that they have my best interest at heart and lashing out is their way of helping me. But I've since learned that those people are assholes, yes they could be your parent as a matter of fact. At least for me it was a parent,  most of my teen years were spent with my mother comparing me to every kid in the neighborhood. 'Why can't you look like that girl (girl from my neighborhood)?' she would say. 'Do you see any young girl your age that looks like you' or 'You're too fat, no guy would want you'.  She would say 'don't eat that', 'don't eat this' and would try to embarrass me even when people were around.

My mom thought that embarrassing me would convince me to make drastic lifestyle change and that I'd probably turn into model. No! that didn't happen. What happened though was I'd stress eat because food was my comfort. Food filled that void she caused from hurting and bashing me. She wasn't helping me at all. Instead, she made it worse. I'm not blaming her for becoming over-weight, I did that on my own. I'm just saying she's one of the influences.

Anyways, the point I wanted to get across to you guys is that you should build up the people around you and make them feel loved. Not just loved, encourage them, believe in them and support them. Sometimes people don't see their own worth so please don't be one of the influences to that. They need a little reminder. Tell them about the potential you see in them. Tell them how worthy they are. Let them know you believe in them. Show your support. Most of all let them know you'll always be there for them, that you'll always be a shoulder to lean on. Everyone deserves that positivity and reassurance in their life.

And lastly, I am in no way speaking ill of my mom. I love her, because of her I've become the woman I am today. I thank her because now I can share my experiences and ultimately help someone. I've look at my experiences as stepping stones because I am using them to help young girls or whoever maybe be going through this.

Keep exuding positive energy!

Love always,
Seema Sammy.

My Opinion Matters!

Growing up people would tell me that I needed to look a certain way, that I needed to lose weight to look beautiful. That I wasn't good enough because I was FAT, yes I used the 'F' word. They would never give me  a chance, they would assume because I'm fat then I can't be ambitious or I wouldn't get anywhere in life. None of my dreams deserve to come true because I am fat. I know this is FUCKING ridiculous but I believed them. I believe that I wouldn't be able to achieve anything.

And for years I've hated myself because no matter how hard I try to look the way society wanted me to look, I couldn't look that way. I started gym, went on crazy diets trying to stave myself, among other stuff. 

The craziest thing was whenever I would see people I haven't seen in a while, first thing they would say is 'you haven't lost any weight?', aren't you doing anything about it?' and then my weight would be the hot topic of that encounter. I mean come on don't you wanna know how I've been doing at school, or if I have a promotion  at work, or I don't know how my fucking day went??? And for years I thought this was the right way for them to treat me because I was FAT. And even if I was doing great in my life, that wouldn't matter because guess what, I was FAT. 

To those people, I say #EffYourBeautyStandards. Eff what you think about me. At the end of the day, you're mad about who I am but I am happy about who I am. And my opinion about myself is the only one that matters darling.

Love,

Seema Sammy. 

Who Am I?

Hello there,  even though I'm not in front of a crowded room of people, I still feel awkward introducing myself. Introducing one's self is so much pressure. I'm suppose to tell you who I am and I don't even know who I am yet. I'm still figuring out myself. What do I say to you? What is appropriate? What is acceptable? Those are the thoughts gushing through my mind. Anyways, here we go.

My name is Seema Sammy born in Suriname, grew up in Guyana and currently living in New York. I just turned 24 and I'm working as a Video Editor. I have a calling for storytelling hence, my job as a video editor. A dream of mine is to be a filmmaker but I don't know how my life will play out so until then I'm a happy dreamer.

I'm a girl by the way if you don't already know and I'm also plus-sized. I've struggle with my weight for my entire life. I recently realized with the help of a few influential public figures and You tubers that being plus sized is not equivalent to unhappiness. I started looking at the positive things about my life and stop dwelling on 'numbers'. I use to think that those 'numbers' define who I am or what I can accomplished. I've recently hopped on the Body positivity train and I would love to share my experiences. 

I'm aware that being plus size is difficult, not because we make it that way but because people around us can't stand that we can be happy and FAT. They feel the need to point it out and then proceed to tell us how to fix it. It is especially harder when you're Indian (Caribbean/ West Indians).  They think that everyone should look a certain way. If you don't look like that then you need to do something to fix it  and they compare you to everyone who fit the perfect description. It was arduous growing up knowing that you're not doing it the right way and that you NEED to lose weight before you can be considered Beautiful. 


One of the main reasons for starting this blog is to empower young girls whether you're from the Caribbean or right here in the US. I know my stories, experiences and struggle will relate to many of you. I want you to know that you're not alone. I strive to be someone that I wish I had to talk too when I was growing up. Someone to encourage me. Someone to let me know that I will be okay. Someone to let me know that my body type wouldn't measure success. Someone to let me know that I can BE myself. I want to be that SOMEONE to you. 

There will be weekly blogs uploaded here, so do not hesitate to message me on any social media platform and I will definitely answer your questions to the best of my abilities. 


Love Always, 
Seema Sammy.