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Tuesday, March 15, 2016

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love

Dear Girls, 

Why does it have to hurt so badly? You know, when you’re so in love but your relationship becomes toxic. Night after night, you lie awake replaying the fights in your head. You can’t understand why your partner won’t change or how they can simply ignore how you feel, sometimes you wonder if they ever truly loved you. You know it's time to end it when you’ve tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing’s worked, yet the thought of being alone petrifies you. But still, the pain has become too unbearable and If you don’t end things now, you might completely lose yourself.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
 ~Marilyn Monroe


How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love

1. Learning to Let Go

Letting go of someone you care about is definitely a difficult thing to do. I was forced to accept that my relationship with my ex wasn’t meant to be.The lies and the cheating became too much to handle. I wanted him to stop hurting me. I wanted him to understand that his behavior tore me apart inside. I wanted him to change. It didn’t matter how much I loved him. It didn’t matter if I was the best woman or friend in the universe; nothing would have worked. Was he really worth all of this? No, he wasn’t. He would say I don't have evidence of his infidelity or that I'm crazy so when I found substantial evidence, I knew I needed to get him out of my life. If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, know that you can find the strength to get yourself out of it and move on.

2. Realize That You Deserve Better

Sometimes, loving someone just isn’t enough if you aren’t receiving the same love in return. It’s like putting work into an old, broken-down car. No matter how much sweat and tears you put into it, it will never be the same again. The time you waste on the wrong person prevents the right person from coming your way. How can they come into your life if you already have that space filled? You have to let go. You can experience true love if you just believe that something much better is out there for you. You may not know who they are, or when they will come, but they are waiting on you to let go so that they can come into your life.

3. Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Change

This is the biggest mistake a person can make when deciding to stay in a relationship in which you’re being mistreated. You have to accept that the only person you control in this world is yourself. Unless the other person owns up to their mistakes, and shows the desire to get help, they probably won’t change. They may promise to change and turn things around for the better. They may even be genuine about their intentions at that moment. But more than likely, things will stay the same, especially if they made promises in the past that they didn’t fulfill. Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Sometimes our judgment is clouded and we simply want to see the best in someone. Sometimes we’re just so afraid of being alone. Regardless of what we tell ourselves, some relationships are just irreparable.

4. Accept That It Will Hurt

There is no easy way of getting around it. It’s going to hurt. And it’s going to hurt a lot! You’re worried about missing the feeling of being desired and wanted, the intimate and close moments you shared. Instead of being just a part of your life, they have become your entire life. You have forgotten how to live for yourself. Getting over the initial discomfort of being alone is the hardest part. But once you get past that stage, life becomes a whole lot easier. The lessons you learn along the way will allow you to grow and become a better person. The pain will not last forever. Time is your best friend. If you work through the pain, you limit the chances of your feelings coming back to haunt you later on.

5. Release The Pain

The best thing you can do for yourself is to release the pain. Different people cope in different ways. Some may hold it in because they are expected to be strong when they're dealing with tough situations. And I’ve found that to be somewhat effective. And sometimes after being strong for too long, it's okay to take a crying day/days. However, I've known people who have tried to hold in the pain and that seem to make it worst, the more they tried to hold in the pain and be strong, the worse they felt and would eventually get stressed out. So what did they do? They cried. They cried over and over again until they can begin to think clearer and notice that things aren't truly as bad as they thought. And soon enough you would start smiling again or noticing the sun shining and the beautiful clouds in the sky. You would no longer be in that dark place. So release the pain however you please. 

6. Take Some Time Off

Sometimes, it seems like the end of the world, even though it’s not. Your mind attempts to play tricks on you, making you believe that happiness isn’t possible any longer. But that's not true. Often, the best cure for pain is time. By resting your heart, mind and soul, you give yourself a chance to heal. This is also the best time to get to know you. Maybe there’s a hobby that you love or an activity you enjoy doing. For me, it was writing. Even though it didn’t completely take my mind off of things, it allowed me to spend time alone doing something I really enjoyed. And I appreciated that. Eventually, I began focusing more on myself, and less on my situation. It didn’t work immediately, but over time, it helped a lot. If you allow it, each day will become a little easier. Time heals. And even though my relationship didn’t work out as planned, I realized I could still enjoy my life.

7. Happiness is Within Your Control

Your life isn’t over. Taking back control begins with you. You don’t have to go through this alone, seek help from your loved ones. Just imagine finally being happy again and enjoying the things that you used to love. No more worrying about the future. You are finally content with the present. The load has been lifted off of your chest. The tears no longer fall. You finally realize you deserve better. It may seem unimaginable right now, but it’s definitely possible. If you make the choice today, you are one step closer to a happier tomorrow. You can do it. I believe in you. Now it’s time for you to believe in yourself. Make a declaration that today starts the healing process. From now on, you will work toward living the amazing life you deserve.

Stay Strong my loves,
Seema Sammy. 

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